Not too long ago, old battles were trying to creep back into my thoughts, and old lies were trying to build a home within my heart. Thus I found myself in an incredible battle where my heart was unsettled, and it felt like the ground was falling out from under me.
Of course, that sounds a little dramatic when there isn’t anything “bad” happening in my life, but if you’re anything like me, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
For me, this battle went on for a few weeks, and by that time I felt exhausted trying to fight it. It was taking everything in me in every single moment to fight, or in some cases to find the will to fight. Then one night, it got to its breaking point. That point where you feel like you can’t go on and you have nothing left to give.
To me, that breaking point felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest, my thoughts were going a mile a minute, and my body was literally exhausted.
It’s there that I had an incredible encounter with Holy Spirit, where he gave me advice that would touch my heart, and help mold my idea of what fighting for truth is.
This is what I want to tell you about today!
After getting to the point of “I can’t do this anymore!” I began to journal about it all. As I did, I found myself beginning to cry, and I found myself on my knees. I remember saying to God “I can’t do this anymore...would you help me”, and as I prayed, he said 1 sentence and that was it:
“This is how you fight battles.”
For a second I sat there puzzled. This is how I fight battles? On my knees? Not fighting with swords or shields? Crying out to Him? This is how I fight???
When I think about fighting, I view it like a battle of putting on my armor and charging out to war. It is a brutal task of fighting with all I have until I can no longer continue on. It is a task of personally taking on the heaviness of it and swinging my sword until there is finally breakthrough. Quite honestly, this picture of going to war is exhausting! But in this moment, going to war wasn’t about me doing all the work and overcoming by my own means. Going to war looked like surrender.
In any other battle, being on my knees would mean death, but with God it means life, because it’s in that moment when we finally relinquish control that allows Him to take over.
Now this isn’t to say that there aren't times where we will have to get up and fight, because sometimes - metaphorically speaking - we will have to, but sometimes, the fight needs to look less like us taking over and more like us giving up or waving a white flag so that God can do what He needs to through our lives.
So the question then becomes, how will we choose to fight our battles? Are we aiming to find victory through our abilities, or are we willing to humble ourselves before Him? Are we willing to fight from our knees with our prayers instead of on our feet and in our own strength?
I know that in this moment, through my willingness to give up and to surrender to God, I had an encounter with Holy Spirit. It was raw, and it was real, and it was the breaking point that led to break through.
Sometimes He needs our surrender and our willingness to meet Him in the still and quiet place so that He can meet our hearts.
Are you at that breaking point of desperately needing Him? Are you feeling tired and desperate to find rest? If yes, then the question might be are you willing to surrender so He can meet you where you’re at?